no idea... :(

I have no reason why I have to remember every single fact about him... should i???? he has someone better than you lar sayangku amirah athirah....she is perfect than you are... sudah lar wahai Amirah Athirah.....back to old Amirah Athirah...pleaaaaseee ignore the 'resistance'...mentang2 bljr electric skrg... :) 

i just wanna cry.. 

Empty and no happiness whatsoever. I don't want to laugh, because I know it's not going to help, but I don't want to cry, because it will just make I feel worse. I feel like my heart is falling apart, but not only that, but I know soon my life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. I don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving the 'resistance'. 


And everyone wonders why if the 'resistance' have hurt me so much, then why do I still love him. That's the confusing part, I don't know why, I just do, and the people who hurt me the most, and normally the ones I love the most. And then, after a few weeks, I finally feel a sense of relief, like I'm getting happy again, but I know inside that I'm just going into denial. 


And after a few more weeks, i'm back to where I were an empty soul and teary eyes. I thought I got over the 'resistance', but really, I just stopped showing it. And I can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on my heart that are there forever. And no one understands how I feel, and how deep I am hurt, no matter who the 'resistance' are, because it hasn't happened to him And even if it has, every broken heart is different. the 'resistance' don't know the true pain that I feel and carry each and everyday now, so I learn that basically I am alone with all this. 


And the feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly I just break down, right there, because I know I have had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and I am to the point where I don't care who see's. Because I have spent so many nights lying awake in bed. And in the midst of all these tears, I know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring him back, if I ever even had him in the first place. 


After about a million tears have been cried, I finally pull myself back together and keep going. My throat starts to clench and my eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But I know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And I look back on all of the hurt I had from this, and I realize that people are horrible. I am still hurt, but I have learned to hide it so that everyone thinks I am okay. 


So now every time I see that 'resistance', I know I still love him, and I feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for him to love me, screaming out, but for some reason the 'resistance' don't hear it. And then I sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this...

finally...burst into tears...